Memories

One Photo AlbumThis album. This ONE album is all the childhood photos I have. Isnt that CRAZY? A child for 18 years and all that shows for it is ONE album. I wonder if God intended me to only have ONE album so that I could only have limited memories. It’s funny, but when you look in the album there might be a handful of baby photos, but there are pictures of Birthdays 1-8 and then it skips to birthdays 15-17.  Where are the other 7 years? Could it be that those 7 years did not exist? Did GOD purposefully choose for there not to be photos? Those 7 years were where a LOT of the damage occurred. Is God protecting me? After over 7+ years of counseling I recounted those years. And all I can say is, Thank you Lord for protecting me. I now understand why those years don’t exist in a photo album. It’s quite interesting how the mind works. Each day memories of some sort are made. Some are good memories and some not so good. I made my very first best friend in kindergarten. My memories are very clear. She was this happy, beautiful girl with blonde hair. Her hair was naturally curly and she wore it right above her shoulders. We walked to school hand in hand everyday. She was my best best friend. I’d spend the night with her a lot. We would roller skate in her basement. She had the coolest handmade dollhouse but we had to be careful when we played with it. Her name was Lisa. And she doesn’t know it, but God chose her to save me. She was my escape. She remained my best friend until I was 13. My mom moved me away from my best friend and from all my other best friends. They really all saved me. When I was with them I had a normal life for a day or a weekend. I hope they all realize that they were a big part of who I became as an adult. Their friendships helped me see Love in a different light.  They each deserve their own chapter in my book. God’s plan is perfect. He placed each of them in my life for a reason. Now, back to the ONE album. I realized that memories are MUCH more than pictures. Each memory is placed in your mind and heart. No one can take that away.

I had my beautiful daughter when I was 22. By the time she was one years old I easily had 6 albums of photos not to mention the photos I had made at Olan Mills (that tells my age). I’d later see through counseling that everything I did was in excess to compensate for what I didn’t have. But for a long time I said, “ So what! My children will always have more of everything I did not have”.  That was my way of breaking the cycle. And the cycle is hard to break. It’s powerful.