Happy Face

It was my 5th Birthday. My grandma had a birthday party for me at her house. Do you see the 2 plates hanging on the wall? Even though my grandparents are in heaven now, I have those plates. I look at that little girl and smile. Look at the pose…I do that pose today sometimes. I look at my eyes and I see myself. I still have those eyes. But those eyes have seen so much. Because I’m sharing with you this birthday at my grandma’s house I want to tell you a story about my grandma.

It was a Monday afternoon. My mom was living with us and had just got home from work. The home phone rang and my husband answered. He yelled out, “It’s a call from a hospital in Iowa.”  My heart sunk. My mom took the call and started crying and handed me the phone. I could not believe what the doctor was saying to me. “Are you related to….?”  I answered, “Yes, that’s my grandmother.”  He said, “I’m sorry to have to tell you this but your grandmother only has hours to live.”  Seriously stunned I said, “Excuse me?”  What was this man saying? My grandmother wasn’t in the hospital. No one had called to even tell us she was sick. He’s wrong.  My uncle lived with her and he would have called us if grandma was sick. The doctor said, “Ma’am are you there?”  Was I there? Where was I? I felt like a bomb had just went off in my chest. I finally answered him. “Yes, I’m here. You put her on life support. I’m coming. You go to her bed and tell her I’m coming.”  My mom and I got in our car(mom won’t fly) and we drove 14 hours to get there. In route I called my cousin on my dads sise. I knew she worked at the hospital or close by  I asked her to go and see what was going on. All while driving my mom and I convinced ourselves that she would pull through this. And we would bring her back home with us to live. My cousin called a few hours later. She said, “It’s not good. When was the last time you saw her?”  I had to think, it had been 3 or 4 years. We spoke weekly, I sent her money so she could afford health insurance. I bought her a new living room set because she told me everything was old and ripped. I had been there the whole time. She was always in my heart. My cousin said, “She has been neglected, and it’s bad. They had to cut all of her hair off because she had lice. They found roaches embedded in her dead foot.”  I told my cousin thank you so much for checking on her. I’ll get there and we’ll get her through this.  How do you get someone through that? I later learned my uncle let her lie on the ground soiled in her urine and feces. When we finally got there we rushed up the elevator to her hospital room. I had a photo I brought from the last time we were there. Grandma was holding my son and had her arm around me while my daughter stood next to me. We walked into the room I could not believe my eyes. Who is that? I looked at the nurse, “See this photo? This is my grandma. What room is she in? This shell of a body with hair cut at a 1 inch length is not my grandma. She goes to get her hair done once a month. It’s very important to her. But as I got closer to the woman they said was my grandmother I looked at her hands. I knew her hands. Oh my God!!! No!!!!!! What is happening? I grabbed her hand, leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Grandma, I’m here. I’m here. Squeeze my hand if you can hear me. I looked at her chest moving up and down by the life support machine. I started to sob. Sob as I held her hand and held her body. I touched her hair, and sobbed more. “Grandma, I made it here. Please, please squeeze my hand. I want you to know I’m here. I love you  I’m here.  And then she squeezed my hand. She squeezed it hard. Just one time. She passed the next day. January 11th. January 11th. January 11th was the same date my little sister died. I have 4 sisters and one brother and I had a little sister born in 1976 just 18 months after me. You didn’t know that? Well, just wait. There is a lot you don’t know. Until next time