When You Think You Have Healed

Mom. Mother. Those words mean different things to different people. I don’t have a mom. I mean I do have a person that gave birth to me. But she’s never been a mom. She made me be an adult at 5 and 6 years old. She chose a man over me and my sister. No one to call for advice, no one that helped me get ready for prom. She has the title of “mom” but she didn’t earn it. She wasn’t there for the child, wasn’t there for the teenager with a broken heart. Wasn’t there for my marriage. Wasn’t there during my pregnancy. The birth of my first child. But I was the first person to be called when her wonderful man (she chose over me) broke her arms, ribs and nose. And as an adult, after years of therapy, I forgave her. I flew up to get her out of that life. Why? I really don’t know. God placed it on my heart to do. So she has lived with me now over 14 years. And tonight she told me she hates her life here. That she’d rather live with the abusive asshole than live with me.  Gotta admit, a knife was stabbed in my heart. I can’t wait for you to hear all about the”mom” she wasn’t. You don’t just get to be called mom. I’m sorry, but mom is a title you earn after loving, caring, and being there for your child. So guess what “Mom”, you are NOT my mom. You gave birth to me and for that thank you. But that’s all you did.